There is something wholly soul-crushing about a job that just doesn't pay your bills. You go to work every day, you do your job and expect to be able to reap the rewards of it when it comes time to pay rent, buy groceries or other such things. It occurs to me that the current job that I have has got to go. So I'm looking again. I missed out on a promotion for stating one of the old, standard lame jokes in an office (matching tie memo. Everyone has said it and immediately felt nauseous afterward) and that was considered 'offensive.'

Ok, so I gather you want an android. I can do that, but I won't be happy doing that. It was the day that I realized that aside from not making ends meet with the pay, this company wasn't for me. So, I'm looking. It's not like last time, when I actually did say something inappropriate - this time it was in no way inappropriate, maybe a little douchey but not inappropriate.

On other notes, I'm slowly but surely becoming OK with myself, which is a major plus. I know you've heard this shit before (over and over again), but this time I'm committed to making it stick. I'm down 10 lbs already, fitting into clothing that looks much better on me (sad that my bewbs are shrinking a bit, too) and trying my utter best to look at things from the 'sunny side.' Yes, it's hard, no I don't always like it... but that's the way it's got to be for right now because if I give into that sinking feeling, I'm not sure I (or anyone else) can help me get back out of it this time.

So, yes I'm taking my medication. I've got one more refill before I need to find a doctor who will prescribe it again for me. That'll be at least $20 for the visit, and another $20 for the medication... but that's absolutely worth the cost, as it's making my life a lot better.

I've stopped getting my nails done, and added home nail-stuff to my Christmas list so I can do that stuff at home. There's no need for me to keep giving them money so I can feel pretty, especially since when my nails finally grow back out, I'll be able to do it myself for a very minimal cost. I'm also going to have to find another place to get my hair cut, as $60 cuts are just not in the budget anymore. I've pared down my phone plan and we've gotten rid of cable (good riddance)... so really the only thing left to do is to quit smoking and start biking the 20 miles to work and I'm good, right? That last one is totally facetious. You all know me well enough to realize biking to work would NEVER happen ever. I might do the quitting smoking thing. Seems like lately, it's just not something I want to do, but it's something I feel like I have to do (yeah, addiction). So we'll see about that. I've cut back drastically in the past two weeks or so, so that's a good start.

So now I'm off to plan Kobold's birthday dinner. Hopefully he's not dying so he can enjoy it properly. He's currently at the Doctor's office, getting checked out for fevers (several during the night) and sore throat. It must be serious, as he never EVER goes to the doctor voluntarily... clearly he feels like crap... and that makes me a sad panda, being that his birthday is tomorrow night.