For all those of you who've been fortunate enough to bypass my ranting about The Devil aka: my roommate, let me rattle your brain a bit. I beg pardon if you're pathetically christian or any other religious zealot, but I'm fairly sure the antichrist lives in this concrete cage formally known as a dorm room. She shall remain nameless, for I'm sure you all know who I'm talking about if you know me personally and I fail to see how mentioning her name would do me any good at this point. At any rate, She is the devil and we'll make a top ten list.. just for amusement's sake, about how to tell if you, too have Satan sleeping beneath you.
10). She insists on acting inebreated just for the sake of 'being heard.'
9). She takes over 1/2 of your closet as well as her own.
8). She takes over 3/4 of the total living area which is less than 20 ft square (forgive me, I'm bad at metrics. Convert it yourself.)
7). She works at a topless bar but insists it's a good job if you overlook the groping, teasing, sexual harassment suits, nekkedidy and danger of drinking at work while underage.
6). She owns and evidently uses more than 6 shampoo bottles...and insists on keeping them all in the shower that is less than 3 ft. square.
5). She comes in at 3:30am only to turn on All the lights, the television, the radio and her talking on her cell phone whilst you're SLEEPING
4). She insists on using your computer which is fairly new though nothing to scream about because hers "Don't work-ded so good"
3). She has a schedule for booty calls and pleads with you to try and be conveniently out of the room at the scheduled times.
2). She insists on having your work as her secretary, taking down her papers as she dictates... in ghettospeak.
1). She doesn't think twice about having sex in the lower bunk while you're trying to SLEEP in the top bunk.
If any three of these ten are frequently exhibited by your roommate... get the hell out now while you still can! Given, I've only got 3 weeks left (nearly 2 now) but I'm developing a twitch in my left eye, a habitual growl that she deems "cute" and a homicidal itch that simply must be scratched ... and soon.
