Nectar? Really?

When you think of the word "nectar" you think of flowers and humming birds. Images of Greek goddesses and ambrosia appear in your head (or, at least they do in mine). Nectar is such a sensuous word, it makes you imagine that whatever this thing is, it must absolutely be thick and rich and sweet and terribly bad for you.

Generally speaking, you don't think of cacti and you certainly wouldn't think of anything other than a tall stove-pipe-type (Saguaro, I believe they're called) cactus. Ladies and gentlemen, when you think of nectar, you do not think of this:

That being said, you'd better believe that some industrious little fucker has made cactus nectar. In order to cash in on the latest trend to sweep the hippy/yuppie (how have these become the same thing!?)/health-conscious/vegan/vegetarian culture, someone has decided that the plant above should be squeezed and the "nectar" bottled for consumption. Mind you, I'm only slightly jealous that this marketing genius has already snatched up the whole "deadly/dehydrated plant nectar" idea because, well, if we're going this route, I've got plenty of good ideas. Think of the possibilities:

Venus Flytrap nectar, Palm tree nectar (not coconut juice, this is different), Brussels Sprouts nectar. We could even go a different way and skip away from plant life. It may alienate the vegans/veggies, but the marketing options would be excellent. Pizza nectar, guacamole nectar, sardine nectar and more!

This is a goldmine and I am working on a process to help refine the sugar + water + (random ingredient) = nectar quotient. It's got to be more sugar than anything, then water, and then just enough of the magical juice to make it taste particularly awful... but not enough to water it down so that it would actually be considered juice and not nectar. This is very important. Nectar = fancy, juice = boring.

Conclusion: If you bottle it and market it the right way, the rich yuppy idiots will buy anything if it might be healthy and slightly indulgent.