Well...

Well, I hope everyone's Valentine's day (and weekend) went well. There's nothing much I can say for mine, except that it was all right until today (Ie: Sunday). Friday was spent with Rae and Mel and we had fun, but I passed out early, being that I was terribly tired for no apparent reason. Just the same, we had a good time. Saturday was spent here, at the dorms doing nothing particularly special except doing homework and the like.

Today, though was something I'll remember for the rest of my life. Valentine's day will never be the same for me and though I'm not happy about it right now (to say the least) I think I'll be better for it. Dan came today, as planned.. and I knew something was wrong as soon as he came in. After a while of trying to get him to spill it, we had a long conversation (me crying the entire while) about how our relationship was going and .. well, decided that it should go back down to "Friendship." As shitty as that sounds, I'm glad we got some issues out into the open and I'm kind of okay with being alone for a little while, but as you who know me, know I'm a completely social person... and being that he was part of me for so long (4 1/2 years), it's just not going to be the same to have someone to dote over. The thing that really bothered me about it, I guess, was that he kept telling me to go out and see if there was someone better for me than him. I know, it sounds weird...and I couldn't help but think that maybe he'd found someone else. That's the only conclusion I could really come up with... I mean, I understand that he wants me to date and to make sure that he's right for me, but why say something that specific? Why "find someone better for you than me?" I guess I'm terribly terrified of being alone, and seeing as I'm only 20, being with a guy for 4 years is a very long time. I just keep thinking that really, there's no one I'd rather be with. I know I'm rather inexperienced about this sort of thing, and I know that no one reads this journal 'cept the people who already know what's going on with me, and how I am.. but I'm enlisting you all for a little bit of counseling. I know I've been part of Jess&Dan for a long time now, and now that I'm on my own, I'll be lonely and crying for a while... I just need some hugs, some understanding and most of all, some support. Those of you who've been dumped before know all too well that the first thing you think is, "What's wrong with me? What did I do, and how can I change to get him/her back?"...Well, Dan and I discussed that as well, but I'm still wondering... did I spend too much time on him or not enough? Did I give too much, or not enough... did I gain too much weight? Am I unattractive and more importantly, how on earth am I ever going to get another guy, let alone get him back if I have so many questions about myself.

Just a thought, though.. no need to respond en masse. . . Right, like you would. Also, Jason, you're an absolute sweetheart and I love you, even though you are my stinky little brother ::Smirk:: For those of you who missed his note, here goes...

Look Jess.... take it from me. I have been through alot of relationships... and i know what you are going throught since Melissa and i broke up i haven't been able to sleep as much, or look at my friends the same. but i know that she did deserve better then me... it isn't you that has done anything wrong. Guys ( being one myself) are idiots sometimes when it comes to things like this. i know that if i was in his shoes that i would stay with you. i mean it isn't everyday where someone can get along with someone for that long of a time.. and still love eachother. most couples dont last throught high school.. but somehow you both pulled throught... now for such a long time i measured myself up to your relationship... and yet i know.. that if i ever was able to work up the balls to ask laura out... or mel for that matter ( not our mel) that i would yet again messure it up to you... and what you did in that relationship to stay together as long as you guys did. i dont want you to be stuck in your dorm room crying over this... i know that you are.. and that i am powerless to stop you. but as much as i hate to say that he may not be the right one for you, he might not... but yet he might still... and i want you to relize that even thought he isn't your boyfriend anymore... he will always be your friend ifyou let him... and with being a friend... atleast in my opinion.. is someone that will always be there for you in times of need... like when you are crying, or need a ride somewhere. and i know that i am just ur little brother and you think that i am just writing you this for the sake of that but i am not... i am writing this as more. i am writing this as i was your friend, one that you have been around for the longest of times and one that you have trusted for the longest of times as well.... and i hope that you will take that into consideration as you read this... and correct all of my spelling errors *smerks*. but anyways.. all that this mesage is supose to say is that i will always be here for you, and that i would miss you soo much if i wasn't able to see my sister.... or have my sister leading the life that she has let me see for so long in my life... i hope that you never change... and that these roads in life will just make you stronger as you push throught them with the help of all of your friends and family. as you know... love always, Jason